Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The symptoms are real
The symptoms are real. I am not loosing it!!! I have been diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder. It all started after Owen was born and gradually got worse. It started with my eyes doing strange things..and now that I have had to return to work I got sore and ache all over my back and shoulders, I feel tingles all over and I have mood swings. I feel like there is a lump in my throat that will not go away.
I went to the Doctor and she put me on some meds. I am considering the right time to start taking them. I am thinking this weekend. They may cause drowsiness so I don't want to start them at work. I don't want to start them at night because Owen is feeding more at night now and I need to be able to wake up and feed him..more stress. I have been going to get massages and that is helping my back pain a little and just found out at work that I can get six free counseling sessions..so might as well..see where all this is coming from.
I hate dropping him off..I feel like I am leaving him behind but picking him up has become a new challenge lately too. It almost feels like he enjoys being with Tara and her kids more than me. I take him away and he screams all the way home..and I mean SCREAMS!!!!! Then when he gets home he sleeps..I feel like I am not getting to spend any real time with him, even getting off early.
I explained my situation at work and they are being very understanding. I also put in for a transfer to the Elkhart office. I hope I get it. I think it would help my anxiety to be closer to home and be able to pick him up at an earlier time...
Its nice to know that I actually have a real problem and its not all in my head. I really was beginning to think that I was NUTS!!! I wish the knowledge of it all would make it better but it doesn't. I hope the medication will help..it should. I talked to the pharmacist and she said she had the same problem and takes the med that was prescribed to me and she loves it. I really do not want to LOVE it but it would be nice to stop feeling this way.
Well better try and get some sleep..part of my problem is sleep deprivation..oye vey..