Well I return to work on Monday and I am a ball of nerves and a huge mess!! Since I have been thinking about going back (for about two weeks now) I have been crying, my neck and back hurt, my allergies are worse than ever, I have a lump in my throat, my eyes feel like there going to pop out of my head, I am seeing spots and now I think I have IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome). Seriously it is horrid. I started to go to Preventative Medicine cuz they offer massage and chiropractic care. I went today. I feel a little better but already popped my neck back out of place. I have a horrid headache..
I think Owen senses my stress. He has had colic again lately and is hating going to the bathroom. He wakes me up about five or six times a night fussing with gas. I know I should try and relax for his sake but it is so hard knowing that I am leaving him in someone else's care..someone I trust fully and unconditionally but it is not me. I am going to miss a full eight hours of his life every day and that KILLS me..see I am crying now just talking about it.
Thank God I have Wes he has been helping me cope. I know it stresses him out too to see me like this. I was so happy and healthy for nine months with Owen and now It is all catching up to me..I AM A TRAIN WRECK!! I am hoping once I get back into the swing of things at work my life will get easier. I know that working is the best thing for us for now. We need the money to pay the bills and we need the money to provide a great life for Owen. So I know it is the better thing to do. I just know he is going to miss me so much too. He loves me so much. Its so sweet to see his great BIG smile when I walk in the room or he looks up at me. I adore my child more than anything. I never knew that I could create such a beautiful, wonderful person. I never knew I would be so in love with this beautiful person Wes and I made. My heart no longer belongs to me but he has it.
I will try to keep a positive attitude and focus at work so the day will go by as quickly as possible and learn how to relax again. I know it will all happen again soon, and maybe I will miss this hectic time in my life when it does slow down and start to come together again..ok I dont think I will miss feeling like this. I am looking forward to being myself again..but not looking forward to leaving Owen every day.
Anyways, will write more later.